Back!
My feet have touched the French soil 50 hours ago. I still feel like I’m in the clouds, head heavy, mind totally empty, emotions scattered. The sound of winter silence buzzing my eardrums. I currently function technically, answer to the cries and needs of my little boy, spent whole day yesterday washing clothes even the clean ones. I just felt the urge to wash away the smell of tide soap clinging to our Philippine clothes as if the very act of it gives finality to the fact that I’m now again back to France.
I was looking forward coming back and thought that the almost three months vacation spent in my motherland has soothed my struggling soul. I still feel lost and come to the realization that the time spent rebonding and rediscovering my family just temporarily faded away some of the agonies I feel living in a foreign land. That while embracing the warmth and loving presence of my family and friends in the Phils I also felt certain that these were all temporary. I had the most wonderful time.
I have to pick up again the torn pieces, starting where I’ve left off and struggling to understand my very existence. There are only two certainties in my life right now, one that I’m a wife and two that I’m a mother. Perhaps these are the only things I need to understand the purpose of my life and the rest are just my inner demons clouding my senses time to time. But then again perhaps I’m back to my recurring PMS episodes.
** My blogger friends give me time to recuperate. Perhaps I’m just cold-shock lol!
