Of conformity and diversity
Reading the comments on my previous post, I can’t help myself reassessing how conformity and diversity have shaped the person I am now. The Philippines is a very diverse society in itself. And for more than a decade I grew up in an even more diverse community – it even had and still has the slogan “the melting pot….”
Everyday I was surrounded by Filipinos wearing different costumes, speak different dialects and behave in manners different than mine. Often times we got along, many times there were contradictions. And thinking now I realized most of the time I conformed. Yes, I dressed and displayed some mannerisms like the majority even if it wasn’t what my family believed in. Because it was the only way to live safely and be able to finished my studies for free.
A three-year-study abroad, I again faced with diversity. This time I came to live with people from different countries, beliefs and traditions. This was a different experience because I felt not anymore a minority among my own people but a person of the world. It was living in this country that I felt the strength of my true identity as a Filipino. People conformed to the general status quo and at the same time maintaining their own identity. Nothing is more satisfying than to live in harmony with different people.
When I went back to the Philippines and landed a job in Manila, I had awkward and uncomfortable experiences. I don’t speak perfect Tagalog and many times it was the subject of mockery, mimicking a TV personality speaking Tagalog in a “bisaya way”. I’ve lived long enough in Manila to know that some Tagalog people can be discriminating and prejudicial. I even went to a job interview and was asked point-blank about my religion, just because the personal background on my CV suggested something out of the ordinary. Indeed, there are times when your own people can inflict in you so much hurt and frustrations.
Out of these experiences, I am consciously aware of being different. Heck, each member of my family is different. Two parents, six siblings, nine different personalities. My husband sometimes joke that it’s like each one of us is born from different parents. And I agree. We are just totally different growing up in the same foundation. And it’s like crazy, funny and amazing in so many ways.
But living abroad away from the comfort of your family, being different can be lonely. I went out, seek social groups and try to integrate in the current society. The more I try, the more I appreciate my being different. But I conform more often than I would like to. I now wear the “French face” and long every day for the easy smile of my country given so freely. I wasn’t surprised when the French government passed a law prohibiting students going to public schools wear things that suggest their religious propensities. My child eventually will have to conform too when the day comes.
So yes I have conformed, I agreed, disagreed, followed and disobeyed. I’ve become a diverse person on my own. Once, a friend told me that after getting used to see me with our tagalog friends, my personality changed completely when I was talking to my bisaya friends. Like I was a different person. And I realized such changes are a product of long years of being in various social environments. I just had to learn to adapt. To survive. To appreciate. To grow.
Everyday I was surrounded by Filipinos wearing different costumes, speak different dialects and behave in manners different than mine. Often times we got along, many times there were contradictions. And thinking now I realized most of the time I conformed. Yes, I dressed and displayed some mannerisms like the majority even if it wasn’t what my family believed in. Because it was the only way to live safely and be able to finished my studies for free.
A three-year-study abroad, I again faced with diversity. This time I came to live with people from different countries, beliefs and traditions. This was a different experience because I felt not anymore a minority among my own people but a person of the world. It was living in this country that I felt the strength of my true identity as a Filipino. People conformed to the general status quo and at the same time maintaining their own identity. Nothing is more satisfying than to live in harmony with different people.
When I went back to the Philippines and landed a job in Manila, I had awkward and uncomfortable experiences. I don’t speak perfect Tagalog and many times it was the subject of mockery, mimicking a TV personality speaking Tagalog in a “bisaya way”. I’ve lived long enough in Manila to know that some Tagalog people can be discriminating and prejudicial. I even went to a job interview and was asked point-blank about my religion, just because the personal background on my CV suggested something out of the ordinary. Indeed, there are times when your own people can inflict in you so much hurt and frustrations.
Out of these experiences, I am consciously aware of being different. Heck, each member of my family is different. Two parents, six siblings, nine different personalities. My husband sometimes joke that it’s like each one of us is born from different parents. And I agree. We are just totally different growing up in the same foundation. And it’s like crazy, funny and amazing in so many ways.
But living abroad away from the comfort of your family, being different can be lonely. I went out, seek social groups and try to integrate in the current society. The more I try, the more I appreciate my being different. But I conform more often than I would like to. I now wear the “French face” and long every day for the easy smile of my country given so freely. I wasn’t surprised when the French government passed a law prohibiting students going to public schools wear things that suggest their religious propensities. My child eventually will have to conform too when the day comes.
So yes I have conformed, I agreed, disagreed, followed and disobeyed. I’ve become a diverse person on my own. Once, a friend told me that after getting used to see me with our tagalog friends, my personality changed completely when I was talking to my bisaya friends. Like I was a different person. And I realized such changes are a product of long years of being in various social environments. I just had to learn to adapt. To survive. To appreciate. To grow.
Posted by in 21:27:17
I really believe that we can only find ourselves in diversity - we learn from differences. We learn to respect especially. I grew up in an almost uniform environment where differences attract various opinions - sometimes people are scared of anything different or new. I guess conformity is relative - from different situations & with your principles.
I hoped to speak any dialect aside from tagalog. I really liked this post, it made me rethink of things important
Hope things are great on your side, Lynn! Summer nanaman!
the most important thing is that we remain true to ourselves, no matter where we are!
great post lynn!
One of the problems of conformity is that if the person attempts to conform, s/he will lose her sense of self. This is what happened to me when I tried to conform with the hearing culture (I’m Deaf). I spoke, lipread, hung out with only hearing friends, etc. Even as I did that, I still missed so much because I did not get everything that was being said. Also, kids teased me and avoided me like the plague. As a result, I became lost, not knowing who I was and had very low self-esteem.
When I went to a Deaf boarding school, it completely changed my life. I found out who I was, what I enjoyed doing, and was able to be involved in anything I wanted to be involved with, without language restrictions. Now I am proud to call myself Deaf and be very involved with the Deaf Community. But I am also involved in the hearing community being a professor at a large university. It’s easier for me to be in the hearing world now that I have a sense of self and a sense of a community.
Ok, I’ve rambled on enough. =P I have a question for you, Lynneth. When do you plan to introduce the Filipino language to your son? From what I’ve researched on signing with babies, the earlier the child is exposed to a language, the more likely the child is able to retain it.
Makis >> “I really believe that we can only find ourselves in diversity…” It’s true. I’ve been through it…
Jo >> I couldn’t agree more!
Keri >> Feel free to ramble away. It’s interesting to know how we are all trying to cope with conformity. And I agree that at times you lose your sense of self, because I experienced it myself. There were times when I tried to conform so much, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had to stop trying.
But the truth is I’m more comfortable with myself now than ever. I feel like I have more freedom to choose a social circle where I don’t get pressured to conform. Of course, maybe it comes with maturity, of accepting the fact that France is my second home and finding a niche where I can just be myself.
Anyway, as to your question: David, my son has been exposed to the Filipino language since birth. But it’s not constant. It happens only when I’m with my Filipino friends. He can pick up words and repeat them. I may be complicating things but the thing is I notice that when David is in a French playgroup, he speaks English to the others and often times he is left alone because the other kids don’t understand him. I feel the same when the other parents hear me speak English to my son, I get this assessing look and it’s quite uncomfortable. So we’ve (my husband) decided to at least wait for at least another year before we introduce Filipino to him, hoping that by that time David will be able to express himself well enough both in French and English.