A time once travelled

After a three-week vacation without the parents

David: Lynneth, Lynneth viens ici (come here)! Manu, manu regarde (look)!

Me (shock): Oh la, I think I picked up the wrong boy in the train station! Pa where is David?

David (looking confused): Mais, je suis la Lynneth!

Me: I’m not sure, I might have picked up the wrong David!

David: Pourquoi?  (Why?)

Me: Well, three weeks ago my little David calls me mama, he calls manu papa. Then now here’s a little boy calling us by our names! What happened to our David? You are not my son, are you?

David (giving me a stupid smile, then laughs): Mais non maman! Je blague! Je suis ton fils! Tu es ma maman, et manu mon papa! (I’m joking mama. I’m your son, you are my mama and manu is my papa!)

English:

Me: David, I know you understand English. When I ask you a question can you please answer me back in English!

David: Completely ignoring me.

Me: David, I’m talking to you!

David: Yes mama!

Me: Ok, so what did you eat in the canteen today?

David (hesitated, search the words): Oui, J’eat des poisons avec des rice!

(I ate fish with rice!)

I was never an egg, and you are not a toilet!

Pa and I were watching a film, then David suddenly appeared in time to see a flash of a woman’s face all twisted while giving birth!

David suddenly looks so concerned and started running us down with a marathon of questions: Ma, pourquoi elle fait ça? Pourquoi elle pleur? Elle a mal maman? Pourquoi?

(ma why is she doing that? Why is she crying? Is she hurt? Why?)

I tried to give him an honest answer (papa next to us listening):

“Well the woman is hurt because she is giving birth. You know there’s a baby inside her tummy, and the baby wants to go out, so she really needs to push hard, that’s why she makes that face. It hurts a little bit because the baby is big. And when the baby is out she cries because she is happy. You know sometimes we cry when we are happy….

(I guess I should have stopped there but I didn’t)…

You know like you, you started really, really tiny like the size of an egg, and you were here inside my tummy. Then you started getting bigger and bigger, until I heard you shouting “mama, I want to go out, I want to go out!” So mama pushed really hard like the woman, then you came out, then I was so happy, papa also was so happy to see you!

David, creases forming on the forehead: Mais, maman, je n’étais pas an egg! J’étais un bebe, mais pas egg! J’étais dans ton tummy maman? Pourquoi?

(But mama, I was not an egg, I was a baby but not an egg! I was in your tummy mama? Why?)

I was lost. Somehow I could not find the right words. Papa to the rescue!

Papa (with much enthusiasm): Parce que avant, papa a fait un petit pipi dans mamans, et puis David était formé! Il était petit, et après il a grandi, grandi!

(Because before papa did a little pee inside mama and then David was form)

David is now shock: Quoi papa?! Tu fais pas pipi dans maman! T’es fou! Tu fais pipi dans les toilettes là-bas Pas dans maman!  (What papa? You don’t pee inside mama, you’re crazy, you pee in the toilet!)

We burst out laughing!

David didn’t get the joke, poor thing: Maman pourquoi j’étais an egg? (Why was I an egg?)

Me, completely lost of what to say: Well because it’s like that David. You see the dinosaurs, they started as an egg, then they grow bigger and bigger, they have to go out!

David, pulling his t-shirt up, caressing his tummy: Mais maman, je n’ai pas de bébé dedans!  Turned to his papa and asked: Papa t’as un bebe dans ton tummy?

(Mama I do not have a baby inside! Papa do you have baby in your tummy?)