Four fingers and a thumb!
Children are a great instrument to test your patience!
One Sunday night after taking his bath, the toll of the play-all- day hit the nerve and David was in his worst tantrum of the year! I was cooking, panicking, going back and forth kitchen-living room, heart pumping, ears ringing!
In the living room David was screaming his lungs out while papa at the back was preparing his luggage for a three-night trip. It was a horrible ping-pong of “calm down, stop screaming” vs. whaaaa…whaaaaaaa.. whaaaa!
Who could pack neatly in that situation! Papa was all furious. And there was no talking down to the kid. The second we opened our mouths, he shrieked and shrieked and shrieked. He was totally fatigued.
I went back to the kitchen, slammed the door and tried to imagine paradise in its splendour and serenity! Buff! I couldn’t see it in the spaghetti sauce I was stirring!!
Papa: “Ma, can you please do something, this kid needs discipline! He does that when you are around! He never does that to me!
Me, trying so fucking hard to ignore the last bit: Yeah, I’m coming, I have to finish cooking so that he can eat and sleep! (Fuck who has the appetite with this scenario).
Papa: Yeah, yeah, you need to calm him down!! If he doesn’t I’m really going to spank him! Calme-toi David!!!
At the end of my wits, I grabbed the stick that David found at the playground later that day. Rushed to the room and whacked the cushion next to him! They both were surprised by that meanness!
Me: If YOU do not stop this minute this stick will end up on your bottom!!! You know how it is when mama gets angry, and you do not want me to get angry I promise you!!! So you calm down little boy! I do not want to hear you screaming!! One more scream and you are punished!!
I turned to papa and said: And you too, I do not want to hear any words from you! Stop both of you! Pointing the stick at both of them!
David was surprised and tried to suppress the sob that ended him almost choking! I went back to the kitchen. Papa followed suit, seemingly infuriated. Kid still sobbing to death!!
Me, lowering down my voice so that it doesn’t wander off to the next room: Just let him be for a minute. He is so tired and he needs to let it all out! He will stop eventually! Just let him scream! Just one minute, ignore him!
Papa: I can’t! I have things to prepare and I can’t think with this mess!
Moderator. It’s one bloody career I’m sure I will never succeed.
I let out a long breath! I went to the living room, David clutching the cushion, all wet and slimy! A horrible moment like this, spanking is your worst option.
I sat next to him sideways, sitting on my folded legs, looking at him. Just looking at him. He was still sobbing, throwing me sidelooks and unsure of what to do. At least, he stopped screaming. I gave him a full three minutes.
Three.minutes.passed.
I took him up and made him sat on my lap. Papa behind us re-assumed the packing.
I caressed his newly-bathed-orange-scented head, now covered with sweat. And coddled him with gentle but firm words.
Me: I know you are really tired. Just give me a minute and food is ready and then we go to bed ok??!!
Uhuuuh, huh,huuhhh!!!
Me: I’m sorry I got angry. I’m sorry cheri, it wasn’t really nice of mama. You are really tired, furious, sad and hungry. Wow, that’s so much emotion for a little boy like you ha?
See these fingers? (I stuck out four fingers with thumb folded down the palm). Right now you are those four fingers!
Between sobs he replied: What are those mama? (looking intently at my hand)
Me: Well, this (touching the index) means you are angry, this one means you are very tired, then you are hungry, and then you are sad. Look at that, four different emotions! That’s a lot to have at once, and it’s ok! I’m going to stick these four fingers like these until they are finished.
David, contemplating, dalang singhot, touching my folded thumb: What about the thumb, what is it, why is it folded?
Me: Well, the thumb means happy. He is hiding because right now you are not happy. But as angry, tired, hungry and sad are finished, then we fold them away and mama will stick the thumb up. Like this? Show me your thumb up! A hesitating but promising smile began to unravel on the soaked face!
We’ll wait for a minute, and then you tell me when you are happy so that I can ask all the four fingers to hide away ok? Nod. Pensive. Hiding the lower half of the face in the cushion, but I caught a glimpse of a smile.
In less than a minute, he began to move. One by one he folded my fingers away. And pulled out the thumb. He likewise put his thumb out and we did the ok sign silently. One little thumb against mine.
Me: What does it mean now sweetheart?
David: C’est fini (it’s finished) angry, hungry, tired and sad. C’est fini. Now I’m happy. He stood on the couch and sticks his thumb out to papa, eyes still wet with tears “Papa look, I’m now happy!”
Papa enthusiastically said: Bravo! (then stuck his thumb up)
After a while when it was safe to tread on my toes alone, I went to the kitchen. Look glaringly at my stupid thumb, my insides still in limbo. The fingers have saved the dinner, and I wondered where that idea ever came from! Certainly not from the spaghetti sauce!
